Even though February has been my most active month since the inception of There’s Always Cereal! (which now features an exclamation point, in case you haven’t noticed), I recently came to a rather embarrassing realization. For while I have been exceedingly vocal of my opposition to the Caf, I have not set foot in the place in over a week.
I was spurned into action on Monday afternoon when I received a text from a much more frequent Caf-goer about overhearing a fellow patron describing a corn side dish as “embodying the essence of flambeed rectum [edited for content],” followed by a general request for a flowery elaboration by yours truly. Although I chose not to sample the dish in question (I hardly get dressed on Monday, Wednesday, or Fridays, anyway), the call did at least inspire me to seek out the Caf again.
When I entered the Caf for dinner on Tuesday night, I was treated as somewhat of a sasquatchian event. To my surprise, everyone seemed to be enjoying grilled cheese–except for the person who I thought would be beside herself about this main course. “There’s meat!” she snarled. “The only thing I eat between two slices of bread is cheese!” (For the sake of making a point: had the main course of the night actually been grilled cheese, I would have launched myself into a tirade of legendary proportions.)
Behind the scenes, I was greeted to a somewhat puzzling sight. The Caf was serving up chicken wings (not pictured) and what appeared to be bean-stuffed green pepper halves (also not pictured), while the line for the aforementioned grilled cheese (cheeses?) stretched long. I can only assume that tonight’s selections tie in with the removal of the toaster oven; instead of grilled cheese always being an option, the Caf can now serve grilled cheese and call it variety. Well played, Caf.
On a positive note, the Caf now proudly displays nutritional information, as seen below:
Am I satisfied? Far from it. First of all, these posters fail to list the actual ingredients that go into making the dish–for all I know, my money could be going to a squad of twenty people furiously opening cans of Campbell’s Soup (ah, who am I kidding–cans of Great Value soup).
Secondly, the posters include an “Also Featured” section that simply lists the names of dishes like a gaggle of recurring co-stars. Co-stars that, if I might add, probably contain ridiculous amounts of sodium.
Finally, the posters list the nutritional information for the dishes served for lunch.
Instead of pizza, cans of pizza sauce were on display.
Unless my Google-fu is failing me, this specific brand of pizza sauce does not exist. In other words, the cans are merely props, and in light of this random Tuesday night in the Caf, that makes perfect sense.
