Semester Roundup

After four months and eleven* entries, how big of an impact has There’s Always Cereal made on Caf life? The verdict: while some of its secrets and quirks have may have been uncovered, the culinary behemoth has remained largely unchanged. For that, I am thankful.

First, some facts and figures. Since the dawn of time (February 23rd, 2009), There’s Always Cereal has been viewed 985 times, spawning 28 comments. People were most up in arms about the sinister three way A Riddle, Wrapped in a Mystery, Inside an Enigma; this is not surprising, as such a triumvirate was bound to cause a stir. My personal favorite would be the divinely inspired Heaven Hath No Fries, a long-winded rant on an otherwise quite acceptable meal.

The site has also caught the attention of certain high society gentlemen and -women. For the sake of their private lives, these individuals shall not be named, although they are known to frequent certain local hamburger joints, as well as College tailgating opportunities. Additionally, rumors of the site has also reached the ears of the College faculty and staff–and where I previously feared persecution, I can now cite some of them as admitting they enjoy the musings. Consider my expectations for the fall semester jacked way up!

This is also a time for atonement: I have to admit that there were times when I violated the mission statement of the site by purposely avoiding what was being served. This usually occurred every Sunday. Then again, I believe a healthy set of boundaries will keep me from losing any interest in going where every student is forced to go every weekend.

I think the time is also right to blow the cover of this operation. I was, quite recently, charged with what could best be described as libel, though I am also sure my accuser meant it in much the same way my critiques are structured. In most cases, Caf food is not bad. On the other hand, it is often not good. It is, very plainly, mediocre. As finding something worthwhile to write about mediocre food is like searching for the proverbial needle in the haystack, I take it upon myself to blow these culinary events out of proportion, usually by employing biblical allusions, elaborate conceits, and the like. Buried beneath these layers, however, is always a granule of truth, no matter how minuscule it may seem.

In essence, this previous paragraph more or less sums up what There’s Always Cereal intends to do. While I will not (further) embark on discussing whether or not this truth equals beauty, and beauty truth, There’s Always Cereal has worked, and will work, as an exercise in semi-fictional, satirical writing, and, more importantly, critiquing fundamentally unexceptional (neither good nor bad) food.

See you next semester.